Welcome to “Five and Unfiltered,” where I give you a dose of truth in five minutes or less. I’m L.A. Randle, digital investor, value creator, and audio blog developer for content creators who understand the importance of NOT building your business solely on social media platforms. If you want to safeguard your content and take back control of your voice, check out The Trenity Method @ thetrenitymethod.com
Episode Breakdown
Sometimes guilt and regret stick around long after the healing begins. This episode dives into the emotional residue left behind when you’ve grown from your mistakes but still carry the weight of them. I share what it felt like to evolve into a more self-aware, emotionally grounded woman, yet still be haunted by the things I said or did when I didn’t know how to process my pain. It’s not about shame anymore, but memory, what you remember, what you wish you could change, and what you can’t undo.
I talk about growing up with trauma, I didn’t even have the words for it back then. That upbringing shaped my responses to stress, love, and confrontation. I mothered from a place of survival and led from a place of hurt. So, of course, that translated into wounds I passed on to people I deeply cared about. Even after changing, those moments have clung to me, not because others haven’t forgiven me, but because I hadn’t fully forgiven myself.
This episode sheds light on how personal growth doesn’t erase emotional history. You don’t get to a certain point in your healing and suddenly forget the past. Guilt lingers when we keep trying to mentally rewrite it, wishing it had gone differently. But change doesn’t mean deletion, it means understanding. And that’s where the hard truth comes in.
If you’ve been doing the work and still feel guilt and regret, this episode reminds you that you’re not broken. You’re human. What’s needed now isn’t more self-punishment. It’s self-acceptance. I close this episode with one core solution: stop trying to undo what’s already happened. Accept it. Embrace it. And let it be part of your healing, not the thing that blocks it.
Key Lesson– Don’t Let Guilt & Regret Define You
The biggest takeaway here is that guilt and regret are not proof that you haven’t healed; they’re signs that you’re aware. The lesson is learning how to live with that awareness without letting it define your worth. Guilt tries to convince you that you’re not allowed to move on. But truthfully? The ability to feel guilt shows that you’ve grown. It means your heart has softened, not hardened. That’s something to honor.
It’s important to understand that forgiveness from others doesn’t automatically grant you inner peace. You have to forgive yourself, too. That takes time, and it takes honesty. Self-forgiveness isn’t denial. It’s saying, “Yes, I did that, and I’m not that person anymore.” That level of honesty will always feel raw, but it’s necessary for true release.
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Change doesn’t mean perfection. You’ll still have days where guilt tries to drag you backward. You might still flinch when a memory comes up, or second-guess your worth. That’s okay. Healing isn’t about never being triggered. It’s about knowing what to do when you are.
The solution I offer is simple but tough: stop trying to rewrite the past. What happened, happened. You can’t love yourself fully if you keep judging the older version of you from where you stand now. Acceptance is the doorway. Embrace the story, all of it, and walk through.
Reflection– Give the Harm Context
There are still moments when I hear my voice in my head, replaying things I said or did that caused harm. Sometimes I wonder if people truly forgave me, or if they just moved on. But I’ve learned that the real work is about me, not them. Their forgiveness doesn’t mean anything if I don’t believe I deserve it. That’s what regret feeds on, doubt. That nagging feeling that even after doing better, it wasn’t enough.
But I’ve had to challenge that. I’ve had to stop replaying the same reel of my past and start choosing a new lens. I asked myself: What did that version of me know at the time? What pain was she carrying? What tools was she missing? That helped me soften toward her, instead of resenting her. And when I softened, I started healing.
It’s not about justifying harm. It’s about giving context. There’s a difference between holding yourself accountable and holding yourself hostage. I chose accountability because it allows me to grow. But I had to let go of that emotional hostage situation, the one where I kept punishing myself over and over for things I can’t redo.
Now, when regret shows up, I sit with it instead of running from it. I remind myself that growth is not a clean-cut process. It’s messy, layered, and sometimes painful. But even with that pain, I keep moving. Because I know who I am now, and she’s not who she used to be.
Self Reflection– Let Her Go
If this resonated with you, ask yourself: Are you still trying to rewrite something that already happened? Are you punishing a version of yourself who didn’t have the tools or awareness you have now? Be honest. That’s where the healing starts.
Take some time today to speak to that old version of yourself. Write her a letter. Tell her you understand why she made the choices she did. Thank her for surviving. Then let her go. You can’t keep dragging her with you into a future she wasn’t built for. That’s not fair to either of you.
Next, remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Not just with what you’ve done, but with who you’ve become. Look at how you handle things now, how you speak to people, how you protect your peace. That’s the evidence. That’s the growth.
And finally, permit yourself to move forward. Regret doesn’t have to be your shadow forever. It can be your reminder. But it shouldn’t be your cage. Set it down. You’ve earned that peace. Now walk in it.
