I was the girl who searched for love in places that could never give it to me. I looked for validation in relationships, in achievements, in the approval of people who were never capable of loving me the way I needed.
But no matter how much I tried to fill that void, it remained. It wasn’t until I realized that love, true, unconditional love had to come from me that everything changed. Learning to love yourself isn’t about waiting for someone to choose you; it’s about choosing yourself first.
Further Reading: Why Joyful Living Doesn’t Mean 24-7 Happiness
Reparenting: Giving Yourself the Love You Never Had
I didn’t grow up with the kind of love that made me feel safe, seen, or fully accepted. My relationship with my parents was complicated, and for a long time, I carried the weight of what I lacked.
I didn’t realize that the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t enough wasn’t really mine, it was the echo of every unmet need, every moment I had to be strong when I just wanted to be held.
That’s when I learned about parenting, the process of giving yourself the love, guidance, and nurturing you may not have received as a child. Instead of waiting for my mother to suddenly become emotionally available or my father to affirm me in the ways he never did, I took on that role myself. I became my own safe space.
Further Reading: Learning to Trust Again Meant Removing the Expectations
The Steps to Reparenting Yourself
Reparenting isn’t about blaming the past. It’s about recognizing what was missing and permitting yourself to provide it now. Here’s what that looked like for me:
- Speaking to myself with kindness, I replaced self-criticism with the words I always wished someone had told me. “You are worthy. You are loved. You don’t have to prove yourself to be enough.”
- Setting boundaries without guilt – I stopped over-explaining, over-giving, and overcompensating for people who took more than they gave. Boundaries became an act of self-respect, not rebellion.
- Allowing myself to feel without shame – For years, I suppressed emotions because I was taught they were a weakness. Now, I let myself grieve, cry, be angry, and be soft without apologizing for it.
- Creating routines that made me feel safe – Whether it was a morning ritual, journaling, or simply taking deep breaths before making a decision, I started building a life where I felt supported,even by myself.
Further Reading: Learning to Love Yourself Through Reparenting
Quick Tips for Learning to Love Yourself
If you’re struggling to love yourself, start with small, intentional acts. Here are a few ways to begin:
- Write yourself love notes – Leave affirmations where you can see them daily. Speak to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a child.
- Stop engaging in self-abandonment – If something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it. Honor your feelings instead of silencing them.
- Celebrate small wins – Learning to love yourself isn’t about perfection. Acknowledge the progress you make, no matter how small.
- Find ways to nurture your inner child – Do things that make you feel joy without judgment. Play, dance, create, and be free.
- Seek support when needed – Healing doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone. Surround yourself with people who uplift you.
Further Reading: 20 Things I had to Let Go and Let God Handle
Final Thoughts
Loving yourself isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about realizing you were never broken to begin with. It’s about becoming the person you needed when you were younger and giving yourself the grace to grow without conditions.
Learning to love yourself through reparenting is the most powerful act of self-care you can ever embrace. Because once you love yourself fully, you no longer accept anything less from the world around you.
