Forgiving What You Can’t Forget

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forgiving what you can't forget
Hosted by
L.A. Randle

I am not here to convince you of anything, believe what you will. I’m just here to tell my story because everyone has a story to tell, and I refuse to let someone else tell it for me.

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00:00Episode Teaser 00:18Show Music 00:25Intro 00:56Forgiving What You Can’t Forget 05:20Mid Roll Ad 09:42There is Healing in Forgiveness 11:52Outro

Audio Episode Summary

It has been a mighty long time coming. I mean, a long time is coming. I have officially been in isolation for well over 4 years now. During that time of isolation, I was a student who sat in many different classrooms.

I went from getting a high school diploma to becoming a certified herbalist, eventually becoming a naturopathic doctor. 


Out of all the classrooms I have and will continue to sit in, the most important one I’ve been in so far is the one where God has been the teacher. 

My goal is to master myself, and my foot is so heavy on the gas that I am practically unstoppable.


During my period of solitude, not only some of my own family members but also a few of my in-laws broke me down, devastated me, heartbroken me, betrayed me, disrespected me, ignored me, spoke negatively about me, and dishonored me.

The funny thing about all of this was that I asked for it.


I informed God that I was ready to become the person he intended me to be. I was ready to let him lead and grow the seed inside of me that only he could water. 

The moment I relinquished control, everything I ever knew changed.
 
God informed me that this wasn’t going to be an easy transition and that I was going to see how people really felt about me.

I was going to witness unadulterated betrayal and disrespect. And the same people who claimed to love me were going to abandon me.


And guess what my assignment was?


The assignment was to learn the art of forgiveness, starting with myself. 


God told me I was going to lose some people. Not only did I lose a few, but I am currently in the process of losing myself. 

I’ll admit that losing the old me has been the best experience of my life, unlike losing people.


Forgiving what you can’t forget begins with you.

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When you decide that the idealogy of others isn’t the way you want to live your life, you become a student of the universe.

You begin to see and hear God’s whispers. You begin to walk through doors that other people can’t enter. 


I made the decision that I wanted to move in such a way that no one, past or present, could recognize me. I wanted to be made over. 

All of my life, I’ve walked with my head down and my shoulders slumped. I’ve held my tongue and allowed people to walk all over me just because they thought I wasn’t worthy enough.

And for a long time, I felt as if I wasn’t. I ran from the idea that I deserved anything good, all because of who I used to be. 


Despite hearing the whispers of goodness in my ear, I still chose to listen to the whispers of minions over the whispers of YHWH.


It befuddles me to think that we allow other people the power over our thoughts and beliefs, especially when people never had good intentions for you in the first place. 


I have encountered so much darkness in my life, and I never understood why.

Since I was a child, I have endured countless moments of pain, mistreatment, and abandonment from other people, and I never understood why.

And I plan to delve much deeper into my experience in my upcoming audio book, “It’s Not You; It’s Definitely Me.” I discuss my personal experiences and the traumas I inflicted on others.

However, I will say this:


My heart operates in chambers, and in those chambers, I hold treasure chests for every person I have ever genuinely loved.

In those treasure chests, I place all grievances that I may not have addressed the moment they happened. 


Over time, my chambers begin to weigh down my heartbeat, causing me to have a heavy heart.

Going through your day with a heavy heart can lead to panic attacks and anxiety, which in turn can lead to the development of disease within your body, ultimately resulting in sickness.


My heart began to get so heavy that I could no longer have a productive conversation with God. I refused to let go, in turn blocking everything I wanted to be and desired to do.


I would speak about how important it was to forgive others, but my heart wasn’t in alignment with what I was saying. I would be preaching one thing and demonstrating another.

I expected others to forgive my transgressions even without an apology, but I refused to forgive others for theirs.


This way of thinking is the same way we treat our interactions with God.

We pray and ask for forgiveness, expecting it, yet we walk confidently as if our forgiveness is more valuable than gold.

In this moment of realization, I knew it was time for me to clean out my closet.

I knew it was time for me to accept the things I couldn’t change and begin changing the things that I could.

I had to work on forgiving not only other people who may have wronged me, but I had to start by forgiving myself for the wrongs I had done to others. 


There are things in my past that I am not proud of. There are things I’ve done that I think about every day.

It’s a cloak of shame that God never intends for any of us to wear because God is a forgiving God.

But we can be so hard on ourselves at times, to the point where we miss the lesson. 


And there is a lesson in everything we experience.

I had been holding on to my past transgressions so hard that I had absolutely no hands to receive anything that was meant for me.

I remained closed off to the ideas and gifts that God longed to bestow upon me.


I had to let it go. My mind and heart were holding me back from all of the goodness the universe had to offer.

I had to take full responsibility for the roles I played in the clown shows I performed in.

Because I now know who I am and understand the responsibilities bestowed upon me, I had to take accountability for my thoughts, words, and actions.


The moment I understood the assignment, things began to change.

There is healing in forgiveness.


Forgiving what you can’t forget begins with you, not the other party. It begins with you accepting things for what they are and leaving what is behind you.

You embrace every aspect of the pain and understand that before you can forgive anyone, you have to learn self-forgiveness.


The mantra weighs the same across the board. You can’t give something that you don’t have for yourself.

Holding on to things that may have been out of your control or being laser-focused on events in your past that you can’t change isn’t going to do anything but keep you stuck.

You can’t be in two places at once, and the same goes for your mental availability.

You’re either going to live in the past or be present in the now. 


Forgiving what you can’t forget means leaving the past exactly where it is. Is there such a thing as forgiving and forgetting?

Probably not.

But there is a difference between harping on something and reminiscing from time to time. 


We tend to allow our minds to wander so deeply that we lose control of our thoughts, leading to a loss of emotional control.

We must learn how to rewire and retrain our thought processes in order to have better control over our emotional intelligence.


It takes practice. It takes continued reminders that you have the power to dictate how you choose to feel about a particular situation. 

With everything I have gone through and continue to experience, the one thing that God placed on my heart was practicing forgiving what you can’t forget.

And that forgiveness starts with self-forgiveness.

When you have the ability to change how you see yourself, you will also be able to change how you see others.

And when you begin to change how you view others, you will understand that true forgiveness is not just for you; it’s for everyone involved. 

Until Next Time My friends,

Love and Light

L.A. Randle-Audio Blog

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6 comments
  • Contrary to popular beluef, i think lack of forgiveness is the main reason for the break down of relationships.

  • I hold grudges and I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve been doing it since I was a kid. Maybe that is a reason why I always feel stuck.

  • I really enjoyed listening to your audio episode. It was a totally different experience in comparison to a regular blog.

  • I decided this year that I was going to work on letting some things go in my life. I am so tired of feeling bogged down by animosity. I needed this.

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