I ain’t got no problem keeping it real, depression and addiction don’t just creep up on you overnight. They walk in, take a seat, and make themselves comfortable like they’re paying rent in your life.
I didn’t realize how deep I was in until I tried to get out. Addiction became my crutch, and depression became the weight I carried. They fed off each other, and for the longest time, I let them.
Further Reading: Why I Chose to Flow Like Water Through Life’s Changes.
The Connection Between Depression and Addiction
It’s easy to think of addiction as just a bad habit, something you can shake off when you’re ready. But the truth? Addiction is usually a symptom of something bigger. It’s the cover-up, the distraction, the quick fix for wounds that ain’t been healed.
Depression, on the other hand, drags you down so deep that you start looking for anything, anything to lift you, even if just for a moment. And that’s where addiction steps in.
For me, addiction wasn’t about the substance itself, it was about the escape. It was about avoiding my thoughts, my feelings. But the thing about escape routes is, they don’t take you anywhere new. They just lead you right back to where you started, only now you’re even more lost.
And let’s be real, when you’re caught up in addiction, it feels like the only thing keeping you afloat. But it’s not. It’s just a weighted chain, dragging you deeper. The more I depended on it, the worse my depression got.
And the worse my depression got, the more I leaned on addiction. It was a never-ending cycle, one I thought I could never break. But I had to.
Futher Reading: Why My Strength and Skills Will Never Consist of Vulnerability.
The Illusion of Control
At one point, I convinced myself I had everything under control. I told myself I wasn’t addicted, I was just coping. But that’s the lie addiction tells you, it makes you think you’re in charge when really, it’s running the whole show.
The more I relied on it, the less I recognized myself. Depression and addiction turned me into someone I didn’t even know.
It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t “weak” for struggling. I wasn’t “lazy” for feeling drained all the time. Depression ain’t about just being sad, and addiction ain’t about just wanting a high. They are both battles that demand to be fought from the inside out.
I also had to accept that addiction doesn’t always look like the extreme cases we see in movies.
It ain’t always rock bottom and hitting the streets. Sometimes, addiction looks like high-functioning chaos. Still making it to work and still taking care of responsibilities, but barely holding on inside. And that’s the scary part: it lets you think you’re fine, until one day, you realize you’re not.
Further Reading: Change is the Only Constant in Life, Learn to Accept it.
Breaking Free: Quick Tips for Removing Addiction from Your Life
Getting rid of addiction isn’t just about quitting; it’s about replacing. You gotta rebuild the parts of you that addiction tore down. Here’s what helped me start breaking the cycle:
- Get Honest with Yourself: Stop sugarcoating it. Admit what’s happening, even if it hurts to say it out loud.
- Find Your Triggers: What are you running from? What situations push you toward addiction? Identifying these can help you navigate around them.
- Create a New Routine: Fill the time you used to spend feeding your addiction with something else—something positive.
- Lean on the Right People: Surround yourself with folks who actually want to see you win, not ones who encourage your vices.
- Prioritize Your Mental Health: Therapy, journaling, meditation—whatever helps you healthily process your emotions.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Start Over: If you slip up, that doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re human. Keep going.
Further Reading: I Isolated at Home for a Thousand Days.
Lessons from My Journey
If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that healing is a process. You don’t just wake up one day and suddenly have it all figured out. Some days will feel like progress, and others will feel like you’re right back where you started. But every single step, even the small ones, matters.
I had to unlearn the idea that addiction was my only way to cope. I had to retrain my mind to believe that I deserved to be sober, to be happy, to be free. Depression and addiction might have been a part of my story, but they don’t get to define the ending.
Healing also meant forgiving myself. I had to let go of the shame, the guilt, and the regret. Addiction and depression had already taken so much from me, I couldn’t let them take my future too. I had to be patient with myself, and that was hard. But it was necessary.
So, if you’re in the thick of it, just know this, you ain’t alone, and you ain’t too far gone. It’s never too late to choose yourself, to start fresh, to fight for the life you deserve. It might take time, it might take more strength than you think you have, but trust me, freedom is worth every ounce of effort.
